The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Or, what a difference a week makes.



After 4 weeks of constantly brutal weddings where either the bar was hosted (no money) the people were stingy (also no money) or the people were just plain assholes (ditto) I was beginning to think that this year was just going to be a bust. I mean, seriously- you can only take so much of that and keep your chin up know what I mean?



But then I worked a wedding last Sunday. The guests were mostly Scottish, the bar was hosted, and back bar was available for cash.



I had one of THE most enjoyable nights I have had in FOREVER. These people were absolute dreams to work with, they loved my accent, treated me very nicely, and were a hoot to cut up with. And the Bride and groom were adorable. I even took notes on a cocktail napkin just so I could remember it all for here. In a nutshell, I got this:



*To start with, Scott always takes my Crown Royal bag that I keep my tips in, and makes wishes for me for the night. You know, like "Hosted, nice people, lots of money, home early, NO dumbasses". Only here lately, it just hasn't been working, obviously. So that night, I got "Cash bar, lots of icky people, work as late as you want, LOTS of money"



Thankfully this time it worked, just in reverse...lol



It was hosted, I was home fairly early for a wedding, and they were fabulous people, and I came home with almost $200.



**Since it was not an ethnic wedding per se, I got the prerequisite music standards, which in order of play were the following:

1) Old Time Rock and Roll

2) Michael Jackson

3) The Chicken Dance

4) The Hokey Pokey



***One of the guests, once he found out I was American, stuck several US $5's in my hand, patted my face, and told me that was so I wouldn't be homesick...lol. He then ended up on the back side of the bar, at the pass through where I take care of the servers who need dinner wine, and wanted to know if he could play "back door"...lol.



****I never get tired of watching a bunch of drunk Canadians trying to dance to the Cotton Eyed Joe, especially when they are Scottish....ain't a one of em actually doing it right, but damn, they do have a good time at it.



*****One guy consistently would come up and order a Diet Rum and Coke, then laugh uproariously. He was in his 70's, I might add...lol



***

***I had this really nice lady who had been talking to me a little every time she came up for a drink, somewhere in her late fifties I would say. She asked me if I knew what the score to the San Jose/Chicago game was. I told her once the Canucks were out, I quit watching, because as far as I was concerned, between the two of them, I didn't care who beat the other, as long as whoever the winner was got beat in the next round, because I disliked ALL California teams and Chicago was nothing but a bunch of bullies. She looked at me, and said,"Do you realize I am a Chicago fan?"



Crap. I figure I am done here. But I told her, that was fine, she had a right to pick her own team and her own opinions. And so did I-



She grinned like a jackass eating sawbriar and said good for me- most women couldn't form a solid opinion on hockey if their lives depended on it...



*******

The dj walked up to the bar to get a coke no ice, and I had to STRAIN to look up at him, and I ain't no slouch. He asked me if I was ok, and I looked at him and said "You're a big 'ol boy aincha?"



Yet another Canadian male, slain by a southern accent...Score, direct hit...lol



****

**** Another older gentleman with a decidedly thick burr....." I want two glasses of white wine, but make one red"



********* I told one lady when she was making her third or fourth round getting drinks for her table that she made a great cocktail waitress and she certainly had the legs for it.



This lady was in her 70's and giggled like a schoolgirl to all her friends and anyone that would listen that I thought she had cute legs and was a great cocktail waitress...





I made more tips in that one night on a hosted bar than I had the last THREE cash bar weddings.



Fast forward to last night......



I worked an Italian wedding, where these people had more money than GOD. The place was dripping with glitz, candles, flowers, a 4 tiered wedding cake, clothes that cost more than I make in a month.



The groom insisted on being the star by constantly singing karaoke to his bride, except that he was walking around, looking at the guests, and following the video camera EVERYWHERE. AND he sucked at it...



It was a package bar, so again, NO money, despite the fact that these people were loaded. And I can understand it, really. It's hosted, you're not digging out money, so you don't think to tip. But do NOT look at me and say "Oh, I need to get money from the ATM and I'll be right back to tip you" when you have NO intention in doing so. You're only making yourself look stupid, really.....



They not only treated the bartenders like shit, but the servers and the supervisors as such too. I just love the type who think that people who do what we do for a living are nothing better than furniture. So at the end of the night, when I have been doing nothing for an hour, and it's midnight when the bar is supposed to close, do NOT come galloping over to me and tell ME I HAVE to stay open, because your friends will think you are cheap...



Nope, NOT going to happen, sugar.



So my NEXT entry will be about why I intend to line up several key people at work and slap the literal SNOT out of them.....



See ya on the flip side....

COMMENTS

-

---

LadyKowe
22:18 May 30 2010

Glad to hear you had an awesome time at the Scottish wedding...hopefully you have more like that soon!

---

LadyChordewa
04:13 May 31 2010

Scottish wedding.....I figured that a red head would be welcomed with open arms. Your southern charm and accent are just a bonus.

---

POST COMMENT

I'm gonna quit working weddings. It just, I mean, really....



Tonight was a TOTAL waste of makeup, really.



Cash bar, And these people acted like Carrie Nation. I hardly had anybody drinking on my side of the room, and I know the other side was worse.



Bars were supposed to close at 12:30. At 10:30, we were already shut down. Most of the people had LEFT by 9:30 (Oh we are having an AFTER party somewhere else.) I'm sure that will be great news to the people who paid for the CURRENT party that was HERE, sugar...



Rudeness galore.



I walked out of the kitchen and towards my bar to finish cleaning up, and this "guy" starts waving at me from across the room, and flipping his wine glass at me. I know, I know...a thousand snappy retorts about what he could do with that glass rose to my lips like bubbles in a champagne glass, but I squelched them....really, I did....



So I waved him over to the bar, and asked what I could get for him.



"You got more white wine? The free stuff, not the stuff I got to pay for"



I have some of the dinner wine left yes....would you like a glass?



"Of course, you think I walk over here for nothing?"



*growling*



Here ya go sir.



"Well?"



Well what?



"My friends would like some wine too"



The have your friends come over here, and I'll be happy to pour them some.



"You not gonna serve them at the table?"



um, NO. I am the BARtender. Not the server. That means I stay HERE, and tend BAR.



Suffice it to say, he wasn't thrilled. Like I care.



Then, Jessica, one of the managers, came up to say goodnight, and took a look to see how fast the room was emptying out. While we were standing there, the GM and a few of his cronies walk through the kitchen and out into the room. There are still people there, all dressed up, we are all in uniform, and this fucktard comes traipsing through in baggy shorts, t-shirt, and FLIP FLOPS for God's sake.....



After they cruised through the room and out the main doors, I asked Jessica if I could say something nasty now, or did I have to wait. She said I might as well hold it, because she was SOOOOO sending out emails tomorrow, and when Carissa (one of the sales people and a long running employee here) found out what he had done, she was going to FLIP the FUCK out.



So I yielded to the bigger mouth, if not the actual bigger SIZE. See, Carissa is about 5 foot 4. But believe you me, she can put some Southern women to shame with that mouth of hers when it comes to things being done right at work....about like me, but with less accent...lol



I don't know what they expect from these people anyway. I mean seriously, they were running bowling alleys for god's sake. Do they REALLY expect them to have class JUST because they bought a Country Club? Seriously?



*sigh*



And another one tomorrow night...lord help...

COMMENTS

-

---

birra
14:52 May 23 2010

Well.. it was a wedding reception... why was it a cash bar? That is the start of the problem right there.



*walks off singing, "Rockin' the cash bar..."*

---

CarnelianMyst
15:33 May 23 2010

If I ever do the deed again, I'm coming up there for my reception, and you can make me Harvey Wallbangers and other good stuff. :)

---

LadyChordewa
19:31 May 23 2010

Good Luck!!! Although you might want to get some stitches for the hole in your lip, from biting it so much. lol.

---

RedQueen
19:50 May 23 2010

Some people prefer having a cash bar than hosted- it helps control how much people drink, so they don't feel guilty if they over do it. Not all weddings are hosted. And apparently this guy was so cheap, he squeaked....

---

Vampirewitch39
00:18 May 25 2010

Reason they went some other place to party- drinks are cheaper by the bottle at home. lol ;)

---

POST COMMENT

I worked a wedding Saturday.



Yup. Here we go.....



Asian wedding. Which means they are going to drink EVERYTHING that is free, and all the juice in the fridge.



I am not prejudiced. I am not a bigot. But after working weddings at the clubhouse for over 2 years, I can unqualifyingly know what I am going to be doing based on the ethnicity of the group in general.



What was hosted:



Sodas and juices (duh)

domestic beers (Bud, Kokanee, Canadian, and Coors Light)

Peller Estates Merlot

Peller Estates Chardonnay



Everything else except our other wines would be available for cash......yuh hunh...



So I got to work a little early, as I am prone to do, and after verifying what was on the menu for the bar, I hip hopped downstairs to load up.



I opened up the cage, where we keep the wine stock, the beer stock that hasn't gone into the cooler, and the liquor.



I knew I had put the white wine in the beer cooler, because it was the only place big enough to hold the four cases of wine I needed to chill.

So here I am, looking for the RED wine....



I looked high

I looked low

I looked front to back, and back to front.



This wedding has been booked for over 6 MONTHS.



I sent one of the kids up to get Joel or Jessica (one of the managers).



Joel shows up, and looks at me with the innocent questioning look he has. He's a great man and a great manager, but sometimes I wonder what goes on in that head of his...



"what do ya need, Lu?"



Joel, there is no red wine for the wedding.



"Don't be silly. I ordered it myself."



Joel, I PUT UP that order on Wednesday. All that came in was 2 cases of Red Rooster, one of which was the wrong kind, and 3 cases of the Peller Estates white.



"That's ridiculous. I KNOW there is red wine for this function"



Okay, then maybe I am looking right at it and not seeing it. It could happen, I mean I have counted cash boxes and come up with three different totals when I am tired, but I just GOT here.



*Joel proceeds to crawl all over the cage as I just had...*



"Luanne, there is no Peller Estates red...."



*insert appropriately raised eyebrow here*



I know honey. Do we have Jackson Triggs merlot left somewhere?



So off we go to sub wines and get everything loaded up. I just KNEW Murphy's law was shagging my ass that night.....



I got everything loaded up, hauled up, and set out. So far, So good.



Then the guests hit the door. I heard the same thing over and over for the next hour and a half:



"Glass red wine, glass orange juice"



over and over ad nauseum.



I went through 6 quarts of oj in 20 minutes, I shit you not. This is how we roll at these weddings, no kidding. So when I emptied my last box o juice, I headed for the dry storage room at the end of the hall to grab replacements.





There was *ONE* carton left. Period.



I hauled ass back to the kitchen, and prmptly dispatched one supervisor, one trainee supervisor, and one of the servers to the resturaunt on the Gallery level to load up on pitchers of orange juice form the guns down there.



Again, this wedding has been booked for over 6 months....



The rest of the night was full of me dealing with the fact that there were a couple of drunk ladies (and I use that term loosely) at one of the first two tables who were cackling like they were fixing to lay a dozen or so eggs back there, and running around to other tables like teenyboppers, trying to pour wine for everybody from their bottles on their tables. Or they were laughing uproariously while people were giving toasts. Or they were running over and rubbing the bald guy's head at table 1.



*sigh*



The bars were supposed to be open until 1 am. They started giving away the centerpieces at the tables around 10, and as soon as they were all divied up, FIVE tables on my side got up en masse and left.



For those of you counting in your head, that was FIFTY people at one time, walking out of the room.



I was horrified. The bride and the groom were really sweet, and very likeable, and I was embarrassed for them and their family. But considering the way most of those people had acted while there, it was good riddance to bad rubbish as far as I was concerned. Of course, at that point, everybody started leaving in small groups, and I was out the door at 1 am instead of just starting to close up at 1 am.



AND....



I am standing at the bar, minding my own business, when this guy walks up, looks at me, and starts up a conversation as:



"Don't look like they are drinking much tonight"



Nope. They are pretty much done for the night I would say, although they did go through almost all the wine and all my juices in the fridge.



"So, you must be about ready to go to bed, hunh."



..........



o_0



No actually, since I am a BARTENDER, I work nights, so my sleep schedule is pretty much flipped.



"So, you planning on sleeping in tomorrow, hunh."



Yeah, my HUSBAND pretty much makes sure I can sleep late and not be disturbed...



"So, do you live in Coquitlam? Port Coquitlam?"



.......



I live in Port Coquitlam. But obviously I ain't FROM Port Coquitlam.



"Oh? Where are you from?



*really?*



I'm from Georgia.....



"Oh? My wife is from Texas, you probably have alot in common."





All I can say is thank GAWD for Darryl because he picked that exact moment to walk up and ask me to finish a credit card transaction for him. This guy looks at him and says:



"Sorry bout that- I seem to be monopolizing your bartender."



To which Darryl replies:



"Oh you're not monopolizing her- she can multitask with the best of them......."



20 minutes later, this same guy comes back, WITH his red headed Texan wife, introduces her to me (and no I can't for the life of me remember her name) and says "Isn't she just the cutest thing you have ever seen?"



I officially had the single worst case of the heeby jeebies since that thing walked into the HIlton bar all those years ago and touched me. This guy was a walking talking ad for picking up a third for a party, no shit. Thankfully, he also left shortly thereafter, WITH his lovely bride...



And golf season is just getting good now...



May God have mercy on me. This is going ot be a long summer......

COMMENTS

-

---

LadyChordewa
06:16 May 18 2010

You have GOT to tame that magnetic personality of yours. You get the most interesting people, propositioning you.

---

POST COMMENT

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother



2. He liked Gospel



3. He didn't get a fair trial







But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:



1. He went into His Father's business



2. He lived at home until he was 33



3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God







But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:



1. He talked with His hands



2. He had wine with His meals



3. He used olive oil







But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:



1. He never cut His hair



2. He walked around barefoot all the time



3. He started a new religion







But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:



1. He was at peace with nature



2. He ate a lot of fish



3. He talked about the Great Spirit



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:



1. He never got married..



2. He was always telling stories.



3. He loved green pastures.



But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:



1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food



2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it



3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do







Can I get an AMEN!!

COMMENTS

-

---

LadyChordewa
22:38 May 04 2010

AMEN!!!

---

LadyDarkRayne
23:02 May 04 2010

AMEN !!!!!!!

---

CarnelianMyst
00:45 May 05 2010

LMAO! AMEN!!

---

ladySnowStrixx
02:26 May 05 2010

lmao ok AMEN WITH A HALLELUJAH FOR GOOD MEASSURE

---

Sinora
10:35 May 05 2010

Amen !!!!

---

LordZacharias
07:10 May 09 2010

LMFAO, that was great. Oh yeah... AMEN!

---

POST COMMENT

They can manage to rake in enough money to save the Hollywood sign, but THIS is what passes for a decent script? Can anyone say Jumanji Redux?



************************************



Is a Magic 8-Ball Movie Happening? Outlook Good

by Mike Ryan · April 30, 2010

***

At this rate, there will be a Hungry Hungry Hippos and Chutes and Ladders movie in production by July.



After a few years of bouncing around different studios, a film based on the Magic 8-Ball is officially in development, Paramount has confirmed. Or, as the Magic 8-Ball might say: Signs point to yes.



The Magic 8-Ball film joins a slew of other films currently in development that are based on popular board games.



One of them, a film inspired by the "supernatural" Ouija board, is (quite surprisingly) not a horror film. "Ouija" producer Brad Fuller spoke with BloodyDisgusting.com just this week to explain that, actually, it's going to be more of an action-adventure film.



Fuller explains, "'Ouija' isn't really a horror movie per se, it's definitely more of a big action-adventure movie along the lines of...I gotta be careful what I compare it to. But you know, it's like a big action-adventure movie. [...] There are definitely horror elements, because it's about Ouija and what happens from an Ouija board, but it's a much bigger film. I would call it an action-adventure with horror elements."



Oh, but we're just getting started.



Also in the works is a film based on the board game starring everybody's favorite Rich Uncle Pennybags: Monopoly. Even crazier, it's being directed by the guy who directed such classics as "Blade Runner," "Alien," "Gladiator," and this summer's "Robin Hood": Ridley Scott.



Just this week, Scott spoke to ComingSoon.net about his Monopoly adaptation, a film the director says is going to be a comedy. "That was a tough thing to crack in terms of the screenplay because first off, many would want to integrate literally the shaking of the dice and the throwing of the dice into the board," Scott said. "I couldn't really get past that. I wanted to just make a movie about the idea of greed. I told them you know your game can turn your sweetest, dearest aunt into a demon -- a nightmare of greed. So that's what we're going to do."



Earlier this month, The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that Taylor Kitsch (best known for playing Gambit in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine") would be headlining a film based on -- hold onto your knots -- Battleship. Peter Berg, who directed "Friday Night Lights" and "Hancock," will be directing the nautical adaptation. Berg has hinted that, unlike the board game, his movie won't present a battleship-versus-battleship situation. Prepare yourself for more of a battleship-versus-aliens type of film.



How will these board game films all fare when it comes to the box office? Our Magic 8-Ball says, "Cannot predict now."

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
21:38 May 01 2010

DESPERATION!

---

CarnelianMyst
22:09 May 01 2010

Gawd. They all sound horrible. Bleah!

---

POST COMMENT